SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD
As most readers know, we are living practitioners of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as codified by Stephen R. Covey in 1989 when he was 57 years old. We lost Stephen to a bicycling accident in 2012 but the principals he wrote in the “7 Habits” have been and continue to be life-changing for those who subscribe to an ethics-based life in both personal and business matters.
We believe so firmly in the principals of the 7 Habits that we re-read them and act upon them regularly. We recommend that you pull it down from your shelves (at 25 Million sold, I know that most of us have at least one copy somewhere) and re-read it yourself. If you can’t find your copy invest in a new one. The message never gets old.
But for those who may view the 7 Habits from a generalist’s standpoint we would like to re-iterate the habits specifically for insurance agents. As you will see over the next eight months (we won’t publish a Habit in October, our annual Composite Group issue) every Habit applies to us within our own industry.
Agency Consulting Group, Inc. has incorporated the 7 Habits in all of its consulting and training modules. Many of our clients will find these principals very familiar indeed.
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Understand Others Before Seeking to Be Understood
While Covey’s first three habits, Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and Putting First Things First were private concerns to the individual, his next three habits are public habits, reflective of your character and that of your business.
Habit 5 is the habit of effective communications. And most of us fail to understand that effective communications has more to do with listening, than it has with your speaking and convincing others. Too many of us spend all of our time explaining ourselves to others in the hope that they can understand and agree with US! We rarely take the time to listen with the purpose of understanding the other guy’s point of view before setting him straight and telling him how it REALLY IS! In fact, if the other guy has the latitude to disagree, he will try just as hard to get his point across and he’s not listening to you, either. Do you know what you have when two such communicators get together? A war! But in many cases, in business and in personal life, when a dominant personality has reign over a discussion the other participants may or may not understand or agree with the dominant personality, but will rarely ask for clarification or try to discuss or argue different approaches. The dominant (usually the boss) gets his way, easily or after argument sometimes to the detriment of the situation or organization. Every person in the conversation will have their own opinions and alternatives but will not express a different view if they believe that they are being “told” what to do rather than being asked for feedback to create the best result for all and for the organization.
Covey extols us to listen empathetically, not selectively. Your goal is not just to hear the other point of view. Your goal is to understand that point of view well enough to radiate it back to the speaker. When he acknowledges that you understand him (and not before), you can state your point of view, seeking his empathetic attention so that he can understand you, as well.
If we learn this habit alone, we could double our effectiveness as business-people as well as in our family lives. What would happen if you really understood your clients’, your prospects’ and your spouse or children(s)’ point of view before trying to sell them on yours? Do you think that you might be able to better respond to their needs?